


Invincible

by Wolfcry22



Series: The Exhausted Mind of Poe [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Anxiety, Crying, Depression, Flashbacks, Hurt Poe Dameron, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Poe Dameron/Finn, M/M, Nightmares, Poe Dameron Has PTSD, Poe Dameron Hurts So Prettily, Poe Dameron Is A Mess, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-13
Updated: 2020-01-13
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:53:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22234369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wolfcry22/pseuds/Wolfcry22
Summary: I saw a tweet about how when Poe has nightmares due to PTSD after what happed to him in TFA then Finn would lay with him and tell him about all the planets he’s been to and the stars he’d seen. I thought it was an excellent prompt so I decided to write more about it
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Finn
Series: The Exhausted Mind of Poe [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1605424
Comments: 4
Kudos: 167





	Invincible

**Author's Note:**

> I have seen first hand what PTSD is like in my own life as well as those around me. My father was in the military and my town is made up a lot of military families. PTSD is a horrible mental illness that so many brave men and women face. I decided to bring that into the story to really pick apart how Poe must feel after all of the pain and terror that he went through not only with Kylo Ren, but also being apart of the Resistance and loosing so many members of his squadron that he cared about. I hope you all enjoy it!
> 
> I am also listening to a song called Invincible by All Good Things. I highly suggest listening to it while you read this story or after. The words really spoke to me when writing this. Certainly feels like it could be an anthem for Poe.

If we were invincible.

Hot pain like fire in his blood caused Poe to squeeze his eyes shut in pure agony. His hands, which had been balled into fists, were now sprawled out in an attempt to alleviate some of the pressure that he felt in his skull. His entire body ached like he had the flu, right into his bones. Blood was seeping from a deep gash on his head while his legs felt like jelly for standing so long on an examine table. His eyes were wide in terror while his breath seemed to catch in his throat. His heart dropped to his stomach while a fresh wave of pain coursed through him. Poe felt like his brain was about to be pulled from his ears while desperate images of those that he had lost surged through him. He picked out the cry of his mother right before her death as well as those from his squadron that had died in a First Order attack. Those memories were quickly shoved aside for more pressing information. 

If we could never die.

“Where is the map,” repeated an almost mechanical voice in front of him. Whoever was speaking, their voice was clearly modified by the mask that they wore. However, it did nothing to conceal the anger in the man’s voice and the determination he felt to force the information from Poe.

Poe gritted his teeth so hard that he swore he felt a tooth snap in his mouth. Blood was already dripping from his lips as Poe spat at the masked man in front of him. “I’ll never tell you,” he grunted as proudly as possible. His words came out weak and forced through his mouth while his body gave a powerful tremor. Poe may have been determined, but his body was going to start to betray him soon.

Then all the world could rise against us. 

“I have ways to make you talk,” the masked man continued. He lifted a gloved hand slowly and rested in front of Poe’s face.

Poe tried to keep his facade for as long as possible. A pulling feeling from nowhere forced him to lean forward. Then Poe felt spears seeming to jab his brain. The agony coursed through his entire body. It made it nearly impossible to breathe while his chest felt like it was on fire. His heart beated that much faster while his blood seemed to turn to fire that coursed through his body and brought pain with it. Tears began to pool from his eyes no matter how much Poe tried to tell himself that the pain would be over in a minute. Each second that passed brought with it a new sensation of agony and torture. His head felt like it was going to implode from all the pressure that surrounded him. Blood started to run freely from his nose and trickle down his face.

And we’d dare to fight.

“Where is the map?!” This time the masked man was hardly trying to remain calm. The more anger that he felt, the more the fierce tongues of agony lapped at Poe like an ocean wave. The pressure and tightness wrapped around him, choking the life out of him with no way for Poe to do anything about it.

The agony built until Poe felt like his entire body was going to give out from the pain. A scream left the depths of his soul before he could contain it. It was a guttural sound mixed with a keening wail that could be heard through all the corridors. The release of energy did nothing for the pain and left Poe exhausted and panting as he slumped over. He longed for death in this moment. It would’ve been better to die than go on living.

“You’ll wish you were dead,” the masked man announced. “But first things are going to get much, much worse.”

Poe’s weak body gave a painful twitch while broken blood vessels caused his eyes to turn red. He spat blood on the ground as it oozed from his mouth and nose. “You won’t win,” he croaked. 

The masked man kneeled down to Poe’s level. “I already have and there’s nothing that you can do about it.” He lifted his gloved hand and pressed his fingers to Poe’s cheek and temple. “And now you’ve outlived your use to me.” He pressed hard and Poe felt the entire world go black.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Poe. Poe? Poe!”

Poe awoke with a panicked scream to someone roughly shaking him. It was pitch black wherever he found himself and he expected to be back in the torture chambers and secured to a tilted examine table. His mind was rushing and his eyes couldn’t focus on anything.

“Poe, it’s me,” came a gentle and yet stern voice.

Catch myself before I fall.

Poe’s throat felt so dry that he could barely try and force any words out. He swallowed thickly once before trying to speak. “F-Finn,” he rasped.

The man who had shaken him awake reached over and tapped on the baseboard of a tiny lamp. It turned on with light partially flooding the room. It was then that Poe could see half of the man’s face as well as his silhouette of a shadow on the wall.

“Finn,” Poe breathed hopefully. 

Relief showed on Finn’s face. He quickly released Poe’s shoulders from his death grip and relaxed back to sitting on the bed beside Poe. “It’s me. You alright?”

I see through all the reasons we are letting go.

Immediately Poe looked around at his surroundings. He could see BB-8’s charging dock in the corner where the BB unit was now residing. His private fresher was on the right with the door closed for the time being. His flight helmet was rested on his nightstand next to a small book with different X-Wing maneuvers. His closet was close to his bed with his fight suit and other clothing that he wore on the daily. A small desk was in the other corner where Poe routinely did reports and overviews from missions. His attention then turned to the man still sitting beside him on his bed; their bed. There would be no way that Poe would ever be used to that no matter how much he was thankful to have Finn by his side.

“Poe,” Finn repeated as he pulled his legs onto the bed and sat across from Poe with his legs crossed in front of him. “Are you okay?” 

Poe flashed him his usual grin. He tried to give him a thumbs up, but when he looked down to his hand, he found it absolutely trembling. That would not be the best imagine to leave Finn with to try and reassure him that he was fine. “Never better,” he lied, his voice barley more than a croak.

Finn raised an eyebrow. “You were screaming in your sleep again. Was it the same nightmare,” he inquired softly.

Even if this day won’t come.

The last thing that Poe wanted was to talk about his nightmare. He had been having the same rendition of it for the past few months. His sleep was commonly plagued with the memory of it. Nothing seemed to touch it nor ward it away. Finn had tried giving Poe different teas and herbs for it while the medics had suggested some specialized medication. Poe had refused the medication and whatever Finn was doing wasn’t helping either. He still had the nightmares and still felt the pain of it when he woke up. In Poe’s eyes he could deal with whatever was being dealt to him. He just couldn’t stand bringing Finn into it. The former Stormtrooper didn’t deserve that. He certainly didn’t deserve his boyfriend waking him up screaming nearly every night because he couldn’t compartmentalize his trauma like everyone else.

“Poe, did you hear me,” questioned Finn as he stretched out his hand. He took the ends of Poe’s finger as if asking for permission to take his hand.

Poe inched his hand all the more closer to Finn until the two were holding hands. Poe gave Finn’s hand a squeeze. “I said that I’m fine. Just an exhilarating dream.” Speaking of exhilarating, Poe knew that he had to change his clothes. He had complexly sweat through the thin t-shirt that he was wearing. There would be no way that Finn would want to sleep with him if he was that disgusting.

Finn narrowed his eyes in scrutiny. To Poe’s relief he didn’t say anything. “I suppose exhilarating is one word to describe it,” he muttered darkly.

“I’m going to change,” Poe announced as he threw the thin covers from his legs. He slid past Finn and quickly grabbed another t-shirt and shorts that he could wear, until the terror of his nightmare wore off and he could think straight.

I’ll burn a thousand moons just to light a single sun. 

Finn didn’t try to stop him and for that Poe was grateful. Poe closed the fresher doors behind him as he rested his clothing on the closed toilet. He stood in front of the mirror and gripped each end of the sink in his hands until his knuckles turned white. He looked at his reflection in the mirror and he hated what he saw. Dull eyes, messy hair, worry lines etched on his forehead, and a haunting look on his face greeted Poe. He hardly recognized himself as the once carefree flyboy. Now he was one of General Organa’s best pilots and that title came with responsibility and loss. Poe hadn’t understood that until recently and now he would give anything to go back to simpler times.

All the people that Poe had lost crept into his mind. So many good men and women had died in battle. And where had it got them? They were no closer to defeating the First Order than they had been when they first started. That meant that so many courageous people had died and it hadn’t made an ounce of difference in Poe’s eyes. It was just part of the mission. Sometimes people died and there was nothing that he could do about it. Everyone who was in the Resistance knew that what they were doing could be fatal. They were all prepared to give their lives to the cause. Yet, why was Poe feeling so guilty for it? 

Poe continued to stare at his reflection in the mirror. The more the looked, the angrier he got. His fingers were still gripped harshly on the sides of the sink while he was gritted his teeth so hard that spit was nearly dripping from his mouth as he tried to keep his mouth closed. He remembered the blood from his vision that had dripped down his face from his nose and mouth. He could taste the saltiness of the bright crimson liquid that had dripped from his nose and into his mouth. Yet, there was nothing he could do about it.

Suddenly, Poe’s hand shot out in a fist as he punched the mirror. It cracked in front of him and splintered off into dozens of pieces. A bloody knuckle mark was left on some of the slivers of glass. Poe looked down to his hand and found it bleeding. Instinct told him to do something about it while his heart told him to leave it.

And now the darkens hour collides.

The fresher doors suddenly opened to reveal a distraught looking Finn. He glanced down at Poe’s bloody fist and then to the mirror. He gasped in alarm as he saw the shattered part and how many pieces had fallen. “What the hell is going on in here,” he questioned. 

Poe opened his mouth to speak before his face suddenly crumpled. He lifted his uninjured hand up to his face and tried to hide his eyes behind it as he let out a body racking sob. His bloody fist hung at his side as each cry tore through him and shook his entire body. All the emotions from his nightmare surfaced; terror, rage, agony, loneliness, loss. They were all there and it was all too much for Poe to handle. 

With our unguarded lives.

Finn looked on stunned for a moment before realizing what was going on. He closed the space between him and Poe and stretched out a hand toward him. As soon as it touched Poe’s elbow lightly, Poe jumped away with a hiccup of fear. He slightly lowered one hand from his face to look at Finn while his eyes still revealed his panic. It was clear that Poe was dealing with something other than just an outpouring of emotions. 

If we were invincible.

“Poe, it’s just me. It’s Finn,” Finn reassured as gently as possible. “Is it okay if I touch you? Just your elbow?”

Poe looked down where Finn had tried to touch him. Tears were still rolling down his cheek and it took a moment for him to process what Finn was asking. Eventually, Poe gave the slightest of nods.

Finn smiled kindly. “Okay, now we’re getting somewhere.” He reached out his hand and gingerly set it on Poe’s elbow. He gave it a fond squeeze to try and ground Poe. “It’s alright. I’m right here and I’m not going anywhere.”

Poe had heard those words before from different squadron members. They had said that everything would be fine. Then they would leave on a mission and it would go south, rendering so many of them dead. He could still hear their excited laughter ringing in his eyes. Why did they have to die while he could continue on living? He deserved death instead of those that he cared about and sworn to protect. 

If we could never die.

“Why don’t we head back to bed,” Finn suggested while still rubbing slight circles against Poe’s elbow. “That may help.”

Still panicked, Poe gulped. He tried his best to focus on what was in front of him instead of the many thoughts that were running through his head. He felt a gentle touch, Finn’s touch, against his elbow. He could feel the air from the makeshift conditioner that Snap had managed to get working for the temporary base. Poe could smell Finn’s scent that smelled like leather from Poe’s jacket as well as oil from his time helping to repair X-Wings from their scavenger mission. All of that was right in front of him instead of the horrid thoughts and images that he saw in front of him from his nightmare.

Then all the world could rise against us.

“Come on,” Finn offered as he released Poe’s elbow. Poe felt a fresh wave of panic threatening to rise in him until Finn stretched out hand. Poe let out a breath he didn’t even know he was holding and took Finn’s hand. Finn pulled him from the fresher slowly and over to the bed that they now shared. 

Finn set Poe on it as he pulled the covers back. “Get in,” he instructed.

Poe climbed in and instantly felt bad for not changing his shirt. He was still sweaty from his nightmare and he didn’t want Finn to see him like this. Poe started to claw at his shirt to force it off. Luckily, Finn was already there to help. The two of them managed to wrangle Poe’s shirt off of him before placing on a fresh one. Feeling a little more comfortable, Poe sighed in relief.

And we’d dare to fight.

“Do you want to talk about what you saw,” offered Finn once Poe was settled to the best of his ability.

Poe’s eyes turned haunted once more as the possibility of another wave of panic rose inside of him. Finn reached around Poe and wrapped an arm around his shoulders. He gave him a comfortingly squeeze and the fleeting thoughts seemed to disappear from his mind.

“You don’t have to,” Finn corrected himself. “At least not yet. I’ll always be here if you ever want to talk about it, but until then we can talk about something different.”

Poe gave a sniff as he lifted a finger to brush the tears from his eyes. “Like what,” he questioned.

Finn reached out and took Poe’s raised hand. He looked down saw it was the bruised hand, the one that bad punched the mirror in the fresher. He ran his fingers gingerly over the rapidly bruising knuckles. Poe hissed in pain and tried to pull his wrist back, but Finn had it in a tight hold. Finn brought up Poe’s hand to his mouth and gave each knuckle the tenderest of kisses. 

Dare to fight.

“Thank you,” rasped Poe when he could finally compose himself. “I don’t mean to be such a bother. I know that you have a meeting with the commanders early tomorrow morning and the last thing you need is me screaming and waking you up. Honestly, I wouldn’t blame you if you-“

“Hush,” chided Finn after a moment. He pulled Poe close and kissed his forehead. Poe tipped his head to look at the strong man beside him. “All that I care about is if you’re okay. And if that means staying up with you for the rest of the night, then that’s what I’ll do.”

Nothing left to fear.

“You always know just what to say,” breathed Poe. He shifted down and rested his head on Finn’s chest. He took one of Finn’s strong hands in his and ran his fingers over the many callouses and scars that Finn had from his time as stormtrooper and with the Resistance.

We could never fall.

Finn slightly hummed to himself. “Have I told you about all the places I went as a Stormtrooper?”

Poe snorted in amusement. “Of course not! I’m sure that there’s too many to name,” he pointed out with a roll of his eyes. 

“We have to start somewhere, don’t we,” Finn jabbed as he stole a glance down at Poe. Granted, all he could see was the top of Poe’s head with his curly locks, but Finn could tell that Poe was comfortable. 

So alive and full of fire.

Poe gave a slight yawn. “I suppose,” he mumbled, already feeling his muscles starting to relax.

“I’ve been to Hoth, now that planet is cold. Obviously I’ve been to Jakku. Never am I going back there again. Ossus wasn’t terrible if you don’t mind clay and sand. Ryloth seemed to have been such a great planet before the Clone Wars. I don’t think that they’ll ever be able to rebuild. It’s a real shame. Geonosis may have been the worst. The dryness of it and those insects that fly around are terrible even for Stormtroopers. A few of them carried a few Stormtroopers off. How does that happen,” Finn rambled. 

Poe snuggled even closer to Finn. Hearing the gentle rumble of his voice calmed him even more. “What about stars? Have you seen your fair share of those close up,” he joked fondly.

Finn let out a heavy sigh. Poe felt his chest rise and fall and he wondered what Finn was about to say. “I have. But do you know what?”

“What,” questioned Poe as he lifted his head to meet Finn’s gaze.

Finn craned his head down and planted a kiss on Poe’s forehead. “None of them shine as bright as you.”

Poe felt an overwhelming rush of affection for Finn rise inside of him. The words were stuck in his throat although he longed to say so much. He wanted to tell Finn that the ex Stormtrooper had saved his life in more ways than one. He had given Poe a purpose to fight to stay alive instead of just fighting to fight. Poe just wished that he could give Finn more, that he could give Finn the true Poe, not the one weighed down by nightmares and painful flashbacks. 

As if he could read his mind, Finn gave Poe a much needed hug. “We’re going to get through this, I promise. You just need to let me in and we will get you to rise above. I love you too much to let you fall.” 

“I love you too,” Poe breathed. 

Finn took Poe’s hand in his own and gave it a squeeze. “I’ll help your through this. Flashbacks or no flashbacks, nightmares or no nightmares, you are what matters to me. I will fight for you just as you fought for me. This isn’t going to defeat you. With the two of us fighting this together, we will truly be invincible.” 

We’d be invincible.


End file.
